I love my dad
I don't know who he is
but I have caught these glimpses of him recently
He has a lot of pride, sometimes to his own undoing, but mostly in an honorable sense.
Concerning himself with the outside world is not his first inclination, I feel like he even could be seen as hermit-esque. Maybe that rubbed off on me. I used to judge him so quickly. Like lighting a match, no opportunity to pause and look in the doors of anger and what can be guarded behind them.
And when I miss him now, I like to think of this one time. We were driving down a long mountain road in his new car. Everyone in the car lightly chatted about the day and the weather and the things people say to fill silence and all of that. A Death Cab for Cutie song came on. I Will Possess Your Heart. The conversation naturally trailed off and we continued passing ancient trees. I looked out the windows. God, how much I love this song. God, it reminds me of my dad. God, it might always be some metaphysical tie between him and myself. That tie can live in my heart forever. Peace can be immortal I am starting to find.
I felt a foreign comfort in that. In the deathly long intro to the song. A small joy in how we all quietly sang the song to ourselves. A family not close enough to perform the song all together but singing it in our own ways all in one space. I felt love. Feels nice to write about that. I wonder if he knows that was special to me. He doesn't have to.
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