cantaloupe

dear diary, i feel innocent. 

three years ago today: i was miserable at a university in a town where not one person learned who i was (this includes me). how on earth was that three long and grueling years ago? in that time, i was angry often. i wish the old me could see how long my fuse is now. three years fasting forward. i really was just bummed. flat out and unapologetically. i needed to be that to be this. you know how it goes.

i am happy that it is three years into the future. today was like a pie in the windowsill. 

any day that i get to wake up next to the one i love- i just don't know how i wouldn't bask in it. 

everything was connected seamlessly today. we went to a diner in his part of town and that black coffee turns my stomach inside out and sends it places i can't fathom but i drink it because that is what you do. 

we talked for a long time. like we do.

the rest of the day was foggy and floaty. he showed me a bookstore and i used the restroom at a restaurant i did not eat at (which made me feel rude). 

the workers smiled at me, anyway. i would smile at the same thing.

i feel really loved in this time of my life. 

i was uninformed that being seen for what you are pivots everything so genuinely.

he doesn't hate me even though i seem to throw up each time we go out drinking.

i find this sort of silly. today was perfect even with a hangover starting it off. 

i am young and days feel like this. it is perfect.

in town today, an old man lit his pipe and smiled so truthfully at us.

he was the happiest person i have seen in so, so long.

there is so much freedom and care in the orb of things i keep close to me. 

there is newness now, too. risk and uncertainty. maybe those can be ingredients in perfection's cookbook. 

today, i laughed so hard that i slipped back into adolescence. that feeling flees so far when you grow up.

but i love someone who brings that all back to me. 

it is a foreign feeling to be with someone but feel completely at home with myself. 

you cut us the best cantaloupe i have ever had. the juice got all over.

i love you.

today is the greatest day i've ever known.