Artichoke

A friend I would have never made if I hadn't teleported into this city and I were drinking wine by candlelight, sitting across from each other, holding toes, laying down all the sweetness and density of this moment in time. It was the kind of night I used to daydream of getting to experience firsthand. A coworker earlier that day had explained to me that my friend and I are oddly very similar, although our differences stand blatant most times. She told me that she and I had a certain "purity" about us. A "child-like curiosity". 

Giggling and airy as we are, I shared with her our coworker's insightful perception of the parallels between us. Charmed by this, as I was upon hearing it, my dear friend added,

"You know what I find most similar between the two of us? You and I are easily excited people. When there's good news, when someone's got plans they care about, we are happy for them. We show enthusiasm and I don't think everyone's like that."

This conversation has been sitting at the same single chaired table as me this week. What does it mean to be a person who feels the same excitement for others as for their own good fortunes? Does that imply a sense of curious purity or innocence? This was insight that I hadn't myself fully become aware of. But it's really sweet to know that people see me that way. My friend and I are those kinds of people and that adds tenderness to us but it also provides us with a special understanding of one another. When I see her expressive and curious, I feel that kinship. I, too, relate to the feeling of hopefulness and anticipation for my life and for those who surround me.

A few nights later, another close friend of mine and I were eating rice and crying about this life (pretty typical girl hang out). We were discussing how uncompromising it is to have deep friendships so that you can be mirrors to one another. You may not start off "knowing" yourself but friendship can allow you to see parts of yourself that you may be blind to. She was telling me that she admires my ability to view my troubling situation with a broader scope of why it is happening. My ability to see the big picture rather than zooming in on my emotional reactions alone. I wasn't entirely aware that I had this ability until she recognized it in me. Until she showed it to me.

The idea of those who know and love you being able to help you meet parts of yourself is so touching to me the longer I linger on it. 

And then I think about all the people I will meet in this life, all the countries I will travel to, all the strangers who I will only get one chance conversation with- this even happened today on the bus- and I see how all these things will allow me to meet myself. And God, I just want to know.

I want to know what it is like to be completely embodied. Without weariness of character, absent of second guessing. Even now, I wouldn't say that this is a condition I am plagued by but you know, I'm young....it's weird. It's all learning but also creating and  discovering and also DESTROYING but mostly accepting. And it's all so so so so so so juicy and vital and like the center of an artichoke.