Today I felt exhausted. I woke up next to someone very very good. We rubbed our cheeks together and I forgot about the nightmare I had. The bus ride home was hazy and two men on the street hit on me.
I wore tighter pants than I normally wear. For a large part of my day, I thought about my cat and wondered whether or not he feels sad while I am away. Am I old enough to be caring for something so alive?
I am so alive and I care for myself relentlessly but sometimes I feel like a cat inside an empty house. Wondering when someone will stop in and caress me.
Today I biked home in the dark. My legs told me they hated me and that it would have been more enjoyable to bus home. I could have sat in the very back. I could have watched everyone's backs move in and out, up and down, breathing without thinking. Automatic living. Are they tired, too? I think everyone I have ever seen on a bus looks tired.
Everyone is so alive and it's freaking me out. I am so alive and it's freaking me out.
I am getting looked at with love again and it's turning me into water.
Today I wondered if I am a snail or a slug. At first I thought snail because I have the ability to revert deep into a shell, deep within myself, and take stock of all the ever internal happenings. I realized after more thinking that I am a slug.
I'm meant to be in this world naked. Vulnerable. Ready.
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