I hear the planets are playing with us.
Lately, I have been trying to imagine a handful of perverse scenarios in which an outside, metaphysical force is pushing and pulling the strings of human hearts. Toying with our patience, humor, and pragmatism. When the rim flies off my car when I'm driving, when someone says something bewildering and off-handed-I can raise my eyes to the stars with a swan's grace and shoot a knowing look. Oh, you again?
Doesn't that make some of this easier?
There's so much to say.
I've been thinking about how there are many ways to see a singular situation. Sometimes I think of myself as vain. Easily absorbed in image. I get caught in mirrors. I catch myself in motion and I feel very curious. When I was a teenager I would sit on my bathroom counter, brush my hair, listen to Cigarettes After Sex and watch myself turn into a picture. A picture of beautiful, youthful melancholia. That gaping feeling has shifted into something else as I age. But the desire to capture that emotion- to take a picture, to immortalize and cheat time- that has stayed and it is that that keeps me in mirrors.
Vanity can be regarded as self-respect or a general perplexity within the state of being so alive. Now that I've accepted how much I look at myself, I enjoy looking at this routine as myself being a voyeur of life's holy nature. I am just a small part of all of this. It isn't just my face and frame that I am so intrigued by but the truth of my own soul. My heart and its characteristics.
Meditation has been calling out to me. There are times when I meditate and I am a part of the vast ocean of stillness and care that one can only come to know when they trust God completely. Other times, I sit down and meditate, and I only seem to flirt with a puddle. I have to remember what happens when I fall right in. Avoiding meditation is like avoiding death.
The sky is more than blue. It is evaporated music. Ancient witness. I let myself dissolve into the sky.
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