My little sister calls me with a theory about reincarnation. She's very stoned.
The law of karma aside,
What if an individual received a fortunate life, followed by a sorrowful life? Following the subsequent unfortunate life would be another life of fortune and so on. Back and forth. Happiness and despair. Mountain peaks and desolate plains. And what if we reincarnated in this way into infinity? In perfect balance.
She then asked me, knowing that this was the potential order of the universe, how I would feel about my next life. I told her that I would expect sorrow because I love this life. I am happy in this life. My happiness is from within. She told me that this theory would allow people to feel hopeful for what is to come if they feel that they are in their cycle of misfortune while allowing those who feel fulfilled and lucky in this life to experience deep gratitude for the cards that they've been dealt. For it could be much worse.
I believe in a different kind of order, however. One that is also but a theory from oral tradition long before me. I believe in love and I believe in many, many lives. I tell myself that I am allowed to believe everything.
When I was on a long walk with my friend Giuly, years ago, she told me that the idea of Heaven and Hell haunted her and so she simply stopped believing in them. Like closing a laptop. Slamming a door. Breaking away from a kiss. Finality. It did not occur to me at the time that one could choose to lessen their suffering in such a way. Would Heaven and Hell still exist even if my nineteen-year-old friend Giuly refused to believe in them?
I took after her ambition and pledged to choose. We make our own happiness. Some may not like the sound of that. It holds them accountable. Since then, I've studied and chosen what aligns with my heart in each moment, with each breath. In high school, God used to be smoking weed from an apple with my best friend Alex. Now it's the blue sky. Even this will change.
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