Backyard Cry

 i sobbed today the ugly sob you only do alone the cars from the other side of the road looked away they saw the ugly too i laid in bed a few hours later and sobbed again there was more in my system to purge then i thought it best to smoke my last cigarette from the pack i bought for myself on my birthday when i bought that pack i promised it would be the only pack i'd buy smoking is very bad for you my favorite song by johnny cash came on the one i used to sob to in high school he talks about how sundays make a body feel alone, wishing lord that i was stoned and i decided to have my last few puffs to his little lonely song because i felt alone in my feelings i looked up at the night sky a sky that is seldom starless and tonight god was it blank up there so i sat and smoked and no tears were coming out that made me sadder i felt stuck one little star in the sky i saw just one and i gazed at it took a drag and the edge of my cigarette sparked bright and sickeningly orange the single star twinkled there was an intimate moment there between that star and my cigarette and i and the loneliness fled i sobbed again something out there in the galaxy was speaking to me saying you on that bench you must be freezing don't worry it'll pass you just have to go to bed a little earlier you have to eat citrus and call your brother every now and then even when he doesn't call you back you just have to tell people how you feel a lot of the time they understand so long as you say it you and i are no different in fact we are exactly the same that star even knew the lyrics to the johnny cash song i felt ease i felt like i could crawl back into bed with some sense of peace knowing something much bigger could see that i'm mourning some things in my life i want my innocence back how do you find it when it leaves you then i looked so hard and long at that star i noticed it was moving away the star was a plane and i found it in me to cry some more not every day will be so solemn and isolated i'm always learning something these days sometimes you find new reasons to cry i used to not cry at all it is the best feeling when you can and i can and i can and i can